Terrorist Thwarted!

BREAKING NEWS!

Latest Terrorist Activity Thwarted

NEW YORK CITY(AP) At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a press conference this morning, Attorney General John Ashcroft
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra
movement. He is being charged by the FBI under the Patriot Act with
carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names
like 'x'and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country," Ashcroft told reporters,
adding, "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are
three sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."