02 October 2004

Joe Republican's Happy Life

This is from one of the many email groups I belong to...


A Day in the Life of Joe Republican

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-
hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His
medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal
fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical
plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for
paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs.  Joe's bacon is
safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to
regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is
properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know
what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath.  The air he
breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought
for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
work.  It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay,
medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working
standards.  Joes employer pays these standards because Joe's
employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't
think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills.  Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-
market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His
car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating
liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood
home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by
Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make
rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-
government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded
rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives
on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk

The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives
are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought
against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. 
That most of the problems in this nation and around the world are
thanks to the greed, corruption and nose poking of Republicans and
their policies.  Or that most of that party's leadership never served
in the military while their counterparts in the Democratic Party
have.  But let's not confuse Joe with the facts.

Joe agrees with the talk show host:

"We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After
all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of
themselves, just like I have.  And if those damn girly commie tax and
spenders don't like it they can join the Mexicans, Blacks and Indians
and all go back to where they came from."

I'm going to vote Democratic this year on November 2nd.



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